the ravings of a complete lunatic

So here we are again.  I am continuing to revise my book, and as promised I am giving you all previews.  This chapter falls as the second to the last in the book.  I will publish more soon.  But here is another teaser for your perusal:)

Chapter 16-Sex

As I sit here and read over what I have written so far, I feel like I am looking at an ancient building. A crumbled relic that is little more than badly damaged foundation. But even though the building has long since collapsed, I can still feel it’s presence, almost make out shadows of walls that once stood in grand testament to the very basis of humanity itself . I struggled with the relevance of all I had learned over the years. I struggled to get it, what the profound conclusion was that all of it was pointing towards. And I struggled with it because I was still thinking in terms of something complicated, something grandiose, something very cerebral. But as much as I hate to admit it, even I was still falling into the patriarchal trap of always ego consciousness. I was still thinking, instead of feeling.

I look at our world and I am deeply saddened. It is not the kind of discontent that makes me want to blow up buildings or organize protests. It’s the kind of discontent that makes me wonder what everyone is racing around in circles for, and why doesn’t anybody else get the futility of the way society is set up. I feel like I am sitting in the center as the chaotic world rushes about me in fast forward. I got what I asked for all those years ago. I got perspective in spades, but when it came down to it I am so very lonely, because I feel like I am the only one who gets it. Thoreau said in Walden, “Simplify, simplify simplify“. Such wisdom is not new. Many have followed his path and words, and strove to return to nature and concentrate on the things that really matter. But what are those things. What is the key that is missing, the overlooked piece of the puzzle? One half is sex.. Sex in all of it’s forms. Love, Marriage, emotional bonding, the physical act, and sex as in all it produces, death/rebirth/birth, and regeneration/healing.

A person needs shelter, food and water, a bath, clothes, social companionship and love. Yet people scurry out of the big box stores with cartloads of crap they don’t need, and then wonder why they are still miserable and have to work so hard to afford to live. When people look to external satisfaction, the cycle never ends, and true satisfaction is never achieved, instead the cycle of despair deepens as people realize the retail therapy fix is fleeting and still leaves a person feeling used and alone. Many have said it before but the focus needs to be internal. We humans are a universe on to ourselves. You will find never-ending amusement and exploration within yourself if you would only learn to listen. You have God within you, and he/she will tell you and give you everything you really need. It appalls me how many people have to have a TV on, or radio, or something to fill silence. And the reason is that in that silence one is forced to listen to ones own internal monologue, and in the mind of a person who is sick off of prescriptions drugs, sugar, refined grains, excessive meat eating, hopped up on stimulants, that internal monologue is freakishly out of control.

Sex is the most fundamental aspect of being human aside from eating, menstruation, breathing and evacuation. People want to dress it up, and escape it as much as possible, even hating themselves for having desire, but when it comes down to it, you are ruled by it. Period, end of story. You can run from it and be controlled by it, or you can face it and have it be a source of natural happiness that is given positive outlet. Being a dancer I saw this everyday, and it seemed the more Christian or socially elevated a person was in the outside world, was all the more they were depraved when they came to me. If you suppress it, you only turn it into a demon, and then you have the rapists and child molesters as a result, and you re left with a profound sense of emptiness and loneliness that drives you to fill the void in other ways.

The Christian Church taught us that to indulge the most basic desire for sexual congress was a sin. Even in the bounds of marriage it was only for procreation, and things like fellatio were an abomination. Pleasure was out of the question. Thus even the legal vehicle for sex was stunted, and left the couple in a state of profound shame or resentment that often led to infidelity or hatred. Women were encouraged to dress modestly, lest they be confused with whores, and that their only function was to be vessels to be filled. Men were left with wives that did little to arouse them, and such the woman he loved became the ball and chain he loathed.

I think the reason why the lessons of aesthetics have not been heeded, and by that why people still look to external satisfaction instead of internal, is that these “gurus” have paired this wisdom with less desirable pursuits, such as celibacy. I’m sorry but you are not wise if you cannot reconcile your own sexuality and instead choose to mutilate it and stuff it in a drawer. True wisdom comes when you can accept being human and nature as it is, and that we are created sexual creatures for a reason. Just as the Church fathers betrayed their abnormal preoccupation with sex by their derogating it with such an obsessiveness, any teacher who says sex is shameful, or dirty, or that desires of the flesh should be transcended for enlightenment is really saying that they are still quite immature that they cannot reconcile body and spirit, and that they are ignorant of the very foundations of humanity and thus religion.

Even in the aftermath of the feminist movement, the hippies and Vatican 2, we were supposed to be liberated from our sexual prisons, but yet things are still in disparaging condition. The divorce rate in this country is 50 percent. Sexual predation is going up, not down. Depression is rising and the adult entertainment industry is still doing a booming business. If we were indeed freed, why is everything still a mess? Because nobody has sought or fully explained the divine nature of sex, that is the birthright of every human being, everyday. If you tip the scales so far in one direction, as sex was when it was maligned as evil, you must let the scale fall back the other way. Sex needs to be recognized as the holy and life giving force that it is.

You ask most people about sexual alchemy and they will look at you with at best a blank stare. Few people even know about it, let alone what it is. Even tantra, the most famous form of it all, that still is alive and practiced today, is at best badly misunderstood. We are holy. Every last human being on the planet no matter how depraved they may come has a small spark of the divine within them. Whether you recognize it or not, it is there. There have been so many debates as to why a basic act for procreation is so pleasurable and I don’t know if I want to laugh or vomit at the absurdity of it. It was made pleasurable for us to enjoy it.

This is not to say that I condone mass orgies, because I do not. The various transformations of sexual worship over the centuries was a necessary development in our human spiritual consciousness, but Bacchanalian rites I feel are ones that are best left in the past. We are evolved and civilized and the divine can be fully honored in a monogamous relationship and should be. Just as the Divine lord and lady are one, so should man and woman be one. Not man and woman plus another man and another woman ad infinatum. Even Tantra teaches a committed monogamous relationship is the best to practice alchemy in, because trust is key here, and I’m not just talking about sex, I’m talking about love too. If more people had a lover, and had time to enjoy said lover, there would definitely be less anti-depressant prescriptions being prescribed. There would be less crime, as everyone would be busy getting it on, and probably a lot happier, their would be less pollution, as instead of going out and conquering mother nature, men would be in bed conquering their women, and the women would be most grateful for it. The artificial edifice of commerce and employment would shrink to a more normal size, where it actually serves the needs of man, as opposed to enslaving them.

The wisdom that was buried with the dark goddesses was the salvation of sex, as in it‘s healing regenerative power. You do not need to be an initiate in sexual alchemy to partake in the holy aspect of lovemaking. Make no mistake though, there is more than meets the eye when it comes to sexual congress. However you need only have an open heart and love to feel renewed. Anyone who knows, has felt the redemptive power of love, and the bliss at the moment of orgasm. It transcends all feelings of separateness and loneliness and for a brief fleeting moment, you are One. You could be having the day from hell, but the sweet passion found in the arms of your lover can reset anything, or at the very least dull pain and put distance between you and whatever caused it.

Sex and religion are intricately linked however, there is something quite profound in the conjugal act. Most have sought to suppress the sexuality of man or control it, as a means to control the faithful. But that approach is hideous and horribly wrong. I am not surprised the Catholic Church has become what it is, old, stale and full of child molesters. They committed a grievous sin when they put the strictures on sex that they did, and their fate is the price they pay. As an undercurrent to all the Goddesses I mentioned there is that edifice I mentioned in the beginning of the chapter. Something so deep, so profound that nothing could completely destroy it. Sexual Alchemy and ritual lovemaking is the foundation of humanity. Almost every great ancient culture had some form of it, and it is no surprise to me that with the suppression of these rites also came the gradual attrition of grandeur from architecture, art, spirituality governance etc. Sex is the sacred fire, it must be maintained

The fundamentally profound nature of sex is that it is a means to empowerment, enlightenment and immortality. In Tantra there is the kundalini, a serpent that is coiled in the base of the spine, the practitioner envisions the kundalini uncoiling and going up the spine into the skull, providing a direct charge to the brain at the moment of orgasm. What I have learned and practice though is something called the Sex Magic of Isis. There are two ways of doing it, either alone or with a partner. It involves visualizing two serpents coming out of the base of the spine. One is the lunar serpent (the essence of void, magnetism, gravity, feminine) and the other is the solar serpent (the essence of light, radiant, nuclear, masculine) The solar serpent comes out on the right and the lunar comes out on the left. If doing this alone, you visualize the serpents crossing through each of the first five chakras, crisscrossing each other as a result, and ending at the area that physically is your brain stem. This is called the chalice, and you visualize a cup in the area where the spine meets the skull that each serpent is poised over so at the moment of orgasm, the energies of the two serpents travel up the spine, through each chakra and discharge their respective energies into the chalice. If you are doing this with a partner, you run your serpents through them, as opposed to through yourself, and they do likewise, and you climax together. You must trust each other to do this because the energy that will be released, is mind-blowing. Physics tells us that when matter and antimatter meet, they annihilate each other releasing tremendous force. The energies of the two serpents can be likened to matter and antimatter. I will get into such magical topics in greater depth in the next chapter, but the more you practice this most holy form of regeneration, the more psychically powerful you will become, and eventually it is supposed to lead to eternal life. Conversely just like matter and antimatter annihilating each other, there is a definite potential for serious psychic damage if done incorrectly. I encourage you to fully explore this most holy and powerful practice through further research. It will be most worth your while.

Whether you practice alchemy or not though, let your life slow down. Make time for love instead of work. Believe me, work will find you, you don’t need to schedule that.. And besides a good hour or two worth of work can get a lot done, spend the rest of the day in pleasurable pursuits. Make love, worship your partner as a God, and ask that he love you like a Goddess. Pleasure him in whatever way, and do not be ashamed of anything he might want to do, if it’s physically possible, there is no law that says it’s wrong . Don’t be in a huge rush. Spend three hours in bed, and if you have kids well make time where your not interrupted by them. You must maintain your relationship, your kids will suffer if you don’t. Spending all day in bed is not a bad thing. Get stoned, or mildly drunk. Behave irresponsibly. You will find that even just a little indulgence in that department goes a long way to your mental and emotional wellbeing and happiness.

When your not in bed spend time building your life together. Grow your own food. Maintaining a garden is both a spiritual and sexual act, that can strengthen a relationship, not to mention provide you with food. Do the ancient rite of Beltane, and of Demeter, of making love in the garden to ensure the soils fertility. What is produced becomes a symbol of bonding and of union, that you participated in that act of creation. Work together around the house, help when he’s fixing stuff, you might just find him hanging around when your doing the dishes.

When you begin to recognize the act of love making as holy, your life takes on new meaning. You become satisfied, you become more sedate. When you have a healthy bond of love you are complete. Many psychologists will tell you that you must be an individual in your own right, and that looking to another for completeness is a form of codependence. You do need to know who you are as an individual and come to terms with that yes, but we do find completion in another, because whether your male or female, your either lacking in a certain department or you got a little extra, and when you find the right mate, you will fit together perfectly, and in that you find completeness. As far as I am concerned the notion that the natural state of humans is to be alone is a load of bullox. No man is an island unto himself. It is separating us in an artificial way, that flies in the face of natural order to sell more anti-depressant prescriptions, because inevitably when your alone, you get depressed and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or a sociopath.

But a life where our most basic nature is holy. Where man and woman are God and Goddess respectively. That is the Garden of Eden we were kicked out of, that is paradise. When you slow down, and consume less and make love more you find peace. When you know that you have the power of God within you, and sex is but another vehicle of the expression of that divinity, it is liberation. When you acknowledge your body as holy, attraction to drugs and other vices cease. The need for constant external input ceases. For the record, I do not classify alcohol and marijuana as “drugs“. They are, but they are natural ones. They have been used with reverence since ancient times, Marijuana being sacred to both Shiva, the consort of Kali, and Tahuti or Thoth as he is better known, the husband of Ma’at. They are a means to greater pleasure, but also must be used with wisdom and temperance, lest they begin to control you. What I am worried about are hard synthetic drugs or heavy duty psychedelics which can drive you insane.

If the world is to get better, the messed up attitude our society has towards sex needs to change, we need to recognize it as the holy powerful force that it is and it begins with woman. In Tantra and other forms of sexual alchemy, woman is held higher than man. Not to say she is better but the feminine wisdom that is called soul, that resides in the Crown Chakra, is the highest principle of all, and women are the embodiments of it. We women are the center of society. We are the culture bearers, the childrearers, cooker of meals, cleaners and creators of homes, and it is our magnetic beauty that brings men to us longing for union with us. Beauty that is inspiration for both poems and the great works of art, and unfortunately wars as well. Feminism rightly threw off the yoke of sexism, but it made it so that women who did want to be happy housewives were still somehow oppressed. I don’t know about anybody else, but I like sitting at home, gardening, taking care of the animals, reading and writing, and I love cooking for my sweetie so that when he gets home from work he has a home cooked meal, prepared with love to restore his strength. Frankly the outside world scares me, there are a lot of out of control weirdos wandering around and I would rather not have to go out into it everyday. I wouldn’t trade my role as homemaker in for the world. The afterbirth of feminism is that it tried to make women the same as men, we are not.

Man’s energy is direct, initiatory, whereas woman’s is mutable and receptive. The four phases of the moon is the perfect way in which to describe the nature of woman, hence it being no coincidence that the moon is more often than not considered feminine, just as it is no coincidence that if a woman spends enough time outdoors, her periodicity will synch with the moon, so that she is fertile during the full moon and bleeds during the new. The four phases of the moon directly relate to not only the phases of a woman’s life, maiden, mother, crone and then death, but it also speaks to the monthly cycle of woman, and therefore her nature and strength. There is no suppression of the light side of woman. That is what is socially acceptable. However there is most definitely a misunderstanding and suppression of woman during her new moon, underworld death phase, signaled by her moon blood. Just like the death goddesses of the underworld, there is something priceless to be gained by not only facing this aspect of woman, but joining with her as well.

In our culture, a woman’s period very often is viewed as an inconvenience at best. This is especially disconcerting to me. You can hear it in the misogynist idiots who talk about not trusting something that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die. In ancient times a woman’s “dark moon time” was viewed as the height of her power. The menstrual blood is viewed as especially regenerating in sexual alchemy traditions(think rusty sword and you’ll get it) and across the board it is during this time that a woman’s powers of prophecy were considered to be at their greatest strength. At the new moon, a menstruating woman is in greatest tune with her emotions that are an underworld onto themselves, and dreams and oracular visions come from the underworld. Just as the underworld Goddesses regenerate, so bleeding every month is also a woman’s way of renewing herself, flushing out the month before so that at the end of her cycle she can emerge healthier and stronger.

Woman need to stop trying to keep up with men during this time, and take the time to rest and sit in introspection. Eat chocolate, sit around in bed, read books, watch movies. Ignore those who tell you that you need to be able to keep on during your period, they are ignorant to say the least. You can actually damage yourself if you exert yourself too much during your moon time. It is a time when the delicate emotional undercurrents surface, and are especially vulnerable. You’re not a man, stop trying to be one. A woman’s moody seeming bipolarness, is the way she supposed to be, because we are equipped to dip down into that frightening underworld of death, of emotion, of oracular vision and magic to regenerate ourselves, and those that have the courage to unite with us during that time.

I think the truth of why the wisdom of the nature of woman was lost, and the feminine suppressed is in those matriarchal prehistoric cultures, men were treated as inferior, and that paved the way for the pendulum to swing back the other way so that woman are now treated as inferior. What goes around comes around. I believe in the equality of the sexes, one is not better than the other. We are equal, and we are different. We both need each other, but we need to learn to truly understand and respect the fact that we are different, and not be afraid of that fact. We were created that way for a reason. We were created as such so we might feel the ecstasy of reuniting with each other.

Just as women are not men, so men are not women, and it is up to us women to be men’s emotional strength. Maybe you have a man that is in touch with his feminine side and can articulate his feelings, but the majority of males look at being emotional as being effeminate, and they are taught to suck it up and deal. Your not going to get them to talk to you like another girl so don’t even try. This stuffing down of emotions is very unhealthy, that can leave them emotional cripples, but the constancy that results from not always dipping down into ones emotions all the time is valuable. The comfort that comes from knowing my partner will always get up and do what needs to be done is priceless. At the same time though, men can become ticking time bombs and violent if there is never any attempt to understand why they do things or how they feel, or if they feel used or unappreciated. All that magnificent strength men possess can be turned against you in the most horrific way. Men have their own darkness too, and for their own reasons.

Women however are extremely in tune with their own emotions and have a tremendous capacity for empathy, and so it follows that one of our functions in a relationship is to provide an emotionally secure environment where men eventually sense that can let out how they feel. Don’t berate or beat it out of them, just be there to help when they want it. Our intuitive nature is invaluable in childrearing as well, to figure out our children and why on God’s green earth they do the crazy things they do. I had three boys, I know how bizarre it can be. But the converse of this all is that we can do serious damage if we abuse this emotional trust. It is a pity more women do not realize the power they possess, for I know all to many men who have grown to hate women because somewhere in their past they were repeatedly hurt by women who cheated on them, crushed them emotionally, and have no knowledge that they even did it, or worse yet looked at the guys like they were sissies. A lot of women are like kittens, who ambush an unsuspecting victim, sink their claws in and then run away, all to the end of trying to prove their power and prowess, because they are unsure of it. Most women do not realize their power because it was buried in the foundations of the Church, and with great power comes great responsibility. This is where the concept of Soul comes in.

A woman, who has gone through initiation, who has learned what her power is, and how to use it wisely, becomes an embodiment of Soul. It is a difficult concept to describe, but both men and women have them, just as they have spirits, but the two are entirely separate and distinct. Opposite sides of the same coin, with Spirit being male and Soul being female. Soul is associated with the concepts of surrender, release and incoming will. One could call it Karma, but it is this highest form of feminine wisdom that can serve to put both man and woman in harmony with God and with Nature. This is the Goddess that man seeks to worship in an offering of Love. By the magical gifts women are endowed with, which again I will get into more in the next chapter, we serve as being a holy guide. Woman is the totality of what can be known, and man is the knower, the hero who responds to the challenge and seeks to know her to her very depths. When the two are perfectly matched, the knower and the known, they are both released from pain and suffering, and the man who can accept woman, and not shave off parts of her he doesn’t like or cant control, is king of the universe. In the joining of male and female who are equal in power and strength, comes salvation, and this applies to when the male and female mythologies and religions of the world are matched perfectly as well. It is the salvation of our planet.

The role of initiate or priestess in ancient cultures included not only being an intermediary and embodiment of the divine, but a healer as well. They were trained in magic, herb lore, music etc. In essence I am sending out a call for priestesses with this book, priestesses of love, and what I learned as a dancer, as a student and as a mother I am passing on, so that the world may be healed by the institution of a college of the feminine mysteries, to finally balance the male, both in joining with Him fully, and having the power to check Him when He gets out of line.

So number one, take care of yourself. What is within shall come out, and what is out shall come within. Your beauty is your number one asset, true beauty being soul, hold onto it as long as you can, and that is actually longer than you think if you respect the delicate balance that is a woman. We are far more sensitive to external influences and emotional trauma. Women are more likely to internalize pain and suffering and manifest it in the form of breast cancer (breasts are the symbol of a woman’s nurturance, her sensitive empathy: breast cancer is a direct sign that that nature has been abused in the woman in question) or other disease. Women are very delicate creatures emotionally. We can be stronger than any force in the universe as well, but not if our basic nature is not respected and nurtured.

Women need significantly less protein than men, so that being said eat a mostly vegetarian diet. I say mostly because you do need some meat in your diet, but try to get the stuff that is high quality and treated humanely, or that you hunted yourself. You are what you eat, and the suffering of a creature that was only raised for food, and never saw the light of day, as all non-organic, non-cruelty free meat is, will manifest in your psyche and your soul and affect you negatively. A vegetarian diet will clean you up on the inside.

The natural world is a direct reflection of human consciousness, and if we heal ourselves we will heal the earth. The quality of ones food needs to be paid attention to. In our current age of anxiety and stress, refined foods such as sugar and over milled grains further accelerate and destabilize our bodies’ metabolism. Magnesium, a mineral found in brown rice and stone-ground wheat (make sure the ingredient label says stone-ground because otherwise it’s been refined) directly acts to break up what scientists have dubbed the anxiety peptide the forms in the brain. The magnesium found in whole grains cures restless legs, muscle cramps and spasms and has a general stabilizing effect on the body and mind.

Stay away from synthetic drugs of any kind. Even the legal ones destabilize you and will age you faster. Learn to calm your mind, as mental hyperactivity and stress will also eventually manifest as premature aging. Herbs such as chamomile and valerian work very well as sedatives, as does marijuana, an herb that contains significant amounts of EFA‘s including Omega-3 and 6 and Gamma Linolenic Acid. These substances have been proven to help with vascular renewal (the heart and mind are linked in oriental medicine) and mental function. Maintain a healthy weight, and get regular exercise of some sort. The herb Pau d’arco greatly aids weight loss as it destroys pathogenic yeast that gums up a persons metabolism and thought processes, in addition to drying up the dampness of obesity. Meditate and focus on the development of your mind and your morals. As I said true beauty comes from within, concentrate on your Soul. Even in a situation like dancing, it’s the ones who can talk and carry on an intelligent conversation with substance, or express either by speaking or dancing a fundamental truth about the human condition and experience, that make the big bucks. You can be drop dead gorgeous, but it will only carry you so far, if you’re a monster who doesn’t care about anything except yourself, not only are you ugly to everyone around you, but you are doing your own internal goddess a tremendous disservice.

Confidence is a big part of sexual attraction too. Men are turned off by women either looking for a daddy or constant approval. Seek that inner goddess that every woman possesses, let her shine forth. She will transcend all your mortal shortcomings and you will indeed be beautiful beyond compare. Learn to recognize your sexuality as holy as well. Know the power you have, and the responsibility that comes with it. This responsibility not only includes not abusing your power, but also using it when necessary. Beauty is something that is sorely lacking in this world right now, and it is what is needed to get people to start making love to each other again, to stoke the fire of humanity. Because that is the truth of it, when the sexuality of a culture dies, the culture dies too. Not only is this in the procreative sense, that without offspring a population dies, but in the more fundamental role of sex, that of the life force of humanity that is the source of all inspiration. This is why our world is getting duller by the day, and stupider I might add, we’re letting the Sacred Fire burn out.

So that being said, is there some sort of rule that once you graduate from college your supposed to get married, gain 50 pounds and then lob off your hair? I really wonder because that seems to be the norm. A woman’s number one power is her beauty, and not extroverted go to them beauty, but magnetic mysterious attraction that drives men wild. Ladies use your magnetic receptive strength to its greatest potential instead of blighting yourself and acting like a man. Men want to know that they have indeed won a prize in their mate. They want to believe that they indeed have the most beautiful woman in the world, and it is woman’s duty, if she wants to keep her man, to keep up that attractive power. Men want to work for it, they want the challenge, they want to prove themselves man enough, it is in their very nature to conquer, and in that is implicit that you need to put up a fight, you need to give chase and you need to be attractive enough to inspire them to do so. There are very few women though who are appropriately schooled in our role in the mating game .

Soul is true beauty, but physical beauty is just as important when it comes to attracting a man. Men are visual creatures, they want something good to look at. Wear makeup, jewelry, corsets, stockings high heels whatever. And don’t just go for hot or sexy, your trivializing it when you do that. Go for queenly or Goddess like, and act the part. True beauty and majesty do not need to boast. If you are what you need to be, believe me, men will notice without you saying a word. By being beautiful and seductive, you are not a whore, nor are you submitting to them. Whore is merely a label inferior men have used to try to control something they know they can’t. Be the beautiful mysterious magnetic Goddess, that your men have been coming to us strippers to see.

Learn to dance for your partner as well. This is not a talent show, your aiming for seductive and erotic. Women dancing naked for the pleasure of men, is pretty darn normal and natural, its when it’s relegated to dark dirty bars, that are living disease factories because they are never properly cleaned or aired out, that it becomes unnatural. The schism between light and dark is unnatural. Put the beautiful maiden or mother back together with the seductive siren and you get a woman so beautiful, so passionate, so worthy of respect and adoration that no man dare deny her.

People stop being so prudish. Stop hating your body, and the fact you have feelings and urges, stop hating the opposite sex because of whatever trauma in your childhood put you through and realize that there is a very real form of salvation in act of lovemaking, and all that leads up to it. Lose yourself in blissful abandon. There is no feeling like dancing for your lover, and seeing the desire on their face, and finally have build until finally your wildly riding each other with complete abandon. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing that your partner burns for you, and only you. Stop playing by mans rules and make your own.

Which brings me to the other side of sex, the side that unfortunately is a very real possibility when the holiness of love is not respected . Love is the death of the individual. That is why sex was associated with the death Goddesses. With the relationship of love and sex, there is no I or you anymore, only us, and know that that union is an entity in and of itself, with its own power. You can either charge it with the power of love, or something else. But know whatever it is that you do fill it with will spread to all that come in contact with you. I’d rather be spreading love and life.

When the trust between man and woman is betrayed however, either by infidelity, or a woman is raped and abused, that darkness manifests. Just as sex has the power to manifest the beauty of life, it has the power to manifest Hell. Not only for the woman, but for the man who must then deal with the Karma of his actions. Make no mistake, each woman has a Goddess on the inside, complete with Her powers, both those of beauty, and horrific pitiless life sucking vengeance. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn. That is the true paradox of the death Goddess. What was maligned as evil mindless destruction by the Church fathers was actually a deity that more often that not would go after the abusive egotistical monsters that I’m sorry, deserve to die. That is what I was doing unconsciously as a dancer, through the dark side of sex, acting as a Siren, I was grinding down those who really didn’t deserve their life or money anymore. So yes the Dark Lady destroys but for good reason. To maintain the balance and cosmic justice, just like the Furies of Greek lore. She destroys, but she builds something new and better out of that aftermath.

This concept of death being a passage to new life has been lost. Not only is it a means of vengeance but a means of renewal. This world can become very heavy and it can weigh your soul down, and it that capacity, death is mercy. But the loss of this wisdom can be seen everywhere. You can see how people are afraid of this renewing process, in the amount of anti-depressant prescriptions being written, because people are afraid of the breakdown/regenerative process of depression and psychosis. You can see it in a government that madly throws money into a failing system, all the while firmly refusing to acknowledge the stable ground to which they cling has already turned to quicksand. This cycle can be seen in the rotting of a compost pile, or a carcass at the side of a road. As gross as it may be, the microorganisms and flies break down the rotting matter into it’s constituent parts, providing the most fertile ground for the new. Death is but one facet of a Goddess and of the Divine, that is beyond all mortal comprehension. All you can do in the face of this regenerative process is face Her. Face what you most fear, for you will find the seeming destruction and degradation that surrounds Her is actually the cleansing sacred fire of rebirth. Renewing all who go through it and regenerating and healing those who have the courage to look and to Love.

There is one final concept that needs to be addressed in the discussion of sex and that is other aspect in which lovemaking is intricately associated with death. It is in the birth of a child. Motherhood takes away your individuality in a sense, especially when you are pregnant. Everyone knows pregnant women have a tremendous appetite, one that can be seem as having the same nature as the all devouring death Goddess, but as I said that destruction provides the ground for the new, a pregnant woman must consume to nurture the growing life inside of her. Motherhood forces you to have new priorities, it is no longer all about you. It is a redemptive, healing institution as I found out, where you learn so much about yourself and your true nature through your child, but a vocation that is subject to a lot unfairness.

If we want to heal the world, and save ourselves, maybe we should start with the mothers of our children, and beyond that the mother of us all, the earth. For no matter how scarred childbearing may make a woman, they are still beauty incarnate, in fact soul wise, they are even more beautiful after making a baby. They are the word made flesh, they took the spark of the father and manifested new life within them, sacrificing very real parts of their body to do so. Motherhood is a holy institution, whether you are married or not. There is the monstrous notion that a single mother is just a gutter tramp who deserves nothing, thanks to the Church and it‘s overzealous followers, but mothers, especially single mothers are heroines, and should be treated as such.

Mothers protect their children from the evils of the world. The patriarchal, capitalist world that values only money and will commit all sorts of atrocities in that pursuit and has is in the past, is a very real threat to the well being of children. There is a plethora of social woes facing us right now and they are a direct result of the ignorance to the feminine and Her mysteries. The Earth is our mother. The feminine in our society, just as with the Earth, suffers from a total lack of respect. We humans are the most spoiled brats out there for what we do to our Mother. The patriarchy takes and takes and takes with little or no thought as to the toll it takes on the feminine and that somehow, somewhere, that unsustainable growth has to be checked, by unstoppable destruction.

The patriarchy is corrupting our children with this taking without giving something in return mentality. We are raising a crop of spoiled ill-prepared children who are taught for no good reason that they are special, and that everyone’s a winner. Truth is, your only special if you truly strive to be and sacrifice for it, and you’re a winner when you earn it through your blood sweat and tears. Teaching children the mindless drivel that is predominant today is creating a set of adults who are lazy, feel entitled and cannot cope with the inevitable adversity life brings. You’re a monster if you would dare lay a hand on your bundle of perfection, but frankly you need to teach adversity, and how to behave as a moral adult in the controlled environment of their childhood, for their own good, lest you want someone who does not love them like mama teaching it to them later on. I love my little boy, but he can be an unholy terror when he wants to be. Children, just like adults, are a combination of both forces of creation and destruction, good and evil if you must label them as such. They are innately self serving and manipulative. They need to know boundaries, and they need to know them right away from the start, otherwise it results in confusion and personality problems later on. It is better to express displeasure immediately than let it build until people are so rageful at their children that they do cross the line.

Children are treated as if they are better than adults. I swear some people look at kids like they are supposed to save us, that adult life is flawed and only this new life has the power to change anything. It fits in totally with the throwaway attitude shown buy most people in this country that instead of working with what is already created, we simply throw away anything that requires any creative effort to fix and just make more cheap plastic crap, its true for household items, buildings, cars whatever, it is a very clear trend towards the whole yang constantly creating, always new mindset. We have surrendered our own personal power and asked our babies to save us. Does anybody else see a few problems with this?

The social services system in our country is a complete failure. Somewhere in the 9 months your baby is gestating your supposed to totally get your head straight and be this perfect mother. But what if the mother herself was abused? Is that not valid and does that not need to be addressed? But families are being torn apart because of the fact people in our society can not stop judging each other long enough to see that we are all human and no one is flawless. Social Services more often than not gets used as a weapon. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. This judgmental mindset shows a total lack of responsibility and imagination on the part of American adults. We need to address the reason why people are beating their kids as opposed to relying on quick fixes that aren’t really fixes at all. Cursed is the tree that bears fruit, especially when it bears alone.

Childrearing is ten times as hard when poverty enters the picture. Which in the case of single motherhood it always does, because of some self righteous Christian right, who are neither right nor Christian.  I wonder if it ever dawned on some of these religious nutcases that maybe some women would prefer to not marry.  That maybe the life that awaited them in marriage would have been suicide, either mentally or spiritually?  If you want to get back to what Jesus actually taught. Jesus taught God is Love, He taught that the meek shall inherit the earth, to love thy neighbor as thyself and He deemed a lowly prostitute worthy of his salvation. How dare we say otherwise.