Mind over Matter

June 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm (magic, metaphysics, paganism, philosophy, psychology, shamanism, spirituality)

“All that we are is a result of what we have thought, the mind is everything”-Buddha

So I think I can tenatively say some normalcy has returned to my life, but I still am walking a very fine line.  So many lessons have come out of the process I am undergoing currently, and the two biggies for me, are my ego needs help, and the other is how much the mind affects the outer world.

It may seem a little silly to mention ego, but allow me to explain myself.  Anyone familiar with Reiki will know what I am talking about when I mention the solar plexus chakra, but this is the seat of logic, ego, judgement and opinion.  It develops at the ages between 8-12, and when I was this age I went through some serious trauma, trauma that undermined my belief in my own judgement and cemented in my mind the fact that I was somehow inferior.  Most people think I am very self-assured and confident, and before this whole process i would have laughed, because nothing could be farther from the truth.  My mind was constantly filled with the voice of doubt and if anything, my forceful personality was compensating for this internal weakness.

But all things happen for a reason, and some metals have to be tested in a hotter fire.  Defending myself has forced me to face those demons, and I can truly look forward to the future confident that I have learned what I need to in that department, you must believe in yourself, no one else is going to do it for you.

The other life lesson I have been learning is directly related to that.  Many years ago I came to the realization that the outer world is but a reflection of the internal, but due to my self-doubt, characterized by a nagging feeling everyone would think I was nuts and no one would get it, I found it very easy to forget this one simple truth, and lose myself fighting external battles that truly, are unwinnable.  Im going about it the wrong way.

This may all seem counter-intuitive but it isnt.  We truly live in a holographic universe, of quantum entanglements and unified fields.  The mind is the projector in that universe, it is also the reciever as well.  We only experience reality in the way in which we do because it is how our mind percieves it.  The sky could be red for all we know, but we see it blue because our minds tell us it is so.  Black Elk was once quoted as saying that “most men get lost in the darkness of their own eyes”  My darkness came in the form of not sleeping for three months, because I had to (long story).  Long term sleep deprivation can literally make you lose your grip on reality.

Such a thing is devastating for a normal person, but a shaman it is fatal.  My life runs according to much different rules than the average joe, and I am not allowed to get away with my own bologna, I asked to be something extraordinary, and as a result I am held to a higher standard.  The problem is even more evident for those of you who believe in magic, of the mind being able to alter the course of events.  It is a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it becomes, and if you have been training for over 7 years, arguably 30 years like I have, the ability to manifest things becomes way easier, for good or for ill.

Put that kind of power into an unstable mind, as mine was due to severe lack of sleep, and the results are disasterous.  But it is a lesson I needed to learn anyway.  All my life I have been able to slide by on sheer force of intelligence.  My discipline is sorely lacking.  A person like me should be meditating everyday, praying fasting etc.  I do all of those things, but not consistently.  This experience has forced me to get a grip on both of the lessons being taught to me right now, for it is the voice of doubt within me, that has wreaked havoc on my outer world.  The only way i win, is if I get a grip, master my fear and doubt and walk the line with a tranquil heart.  Pretty tall order, but the universe only gives so much as you are capable of handling.

I live a strange dichotomy these days, for I see how far I can fall, but I also see how this may turn out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me.  Which one is it?  Well you should know that by now:)

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